Alright. Today was freaking crap. I can't do anything right, ever. I waaaayyyyyy overshot what my students could do in the amount of time they could do it. Even though I had instructions printed out for students, I had to go around and completely re-explain almost every single station. Scratch that almost-- I had to go around and completely re-explain every single station. I could tell that my students were frustrated and confused and overwhelmed. It was awful. Honestly, though, I could have dealt with all of that, but it was the students who started asking me about grades and the EOCT and midterms and finals and everything that overwhelmed me and made me want to cry.
It made me feel like I didn't have a plan. How are my students going to pass the EOCT? Is it over Freakonomics? Is it over A Raisin in the Sun? I'm teaching them stuff, but to them- not directly. And I need to teach it directly. I did do a day of cloze notes over rhetorical strategies/devices, but I didn't follow up on it exactly. I guess I just have a lot of thinking to do...A lot.
I'm getting discouraged at almost every turn. I'm so used to being good at everything I do that I don't know how to be bad at something. I feel disorganized, unprepared, behind, overwhelmed. I know that I need to be looking forward to what I can do to change things, but right now I just want to sulk. I don't even really want to write about it because it's making me freak out, all of the things that I need to write. If I wrote everything on here that I'm freaking out about and needed to do, that alone would take me at least an hour.
Anyway. I feel like this semester has been crap so far. I'm not sure if this is what I'm meant to do.
